"Should" is a magic word, but not the good kind of magic
“Should” is a magic word! It mystically transforms your world into a steaming pile of yuck. If you’re a caregiver for a loved one with dementia, you probably have a mile-high stack of shoulds: Your loved one (LO) should be well and free from dementia Modern medicine should have a cure for dementia Your LO should have the same temperament they always have They should be able to handle their bathroom needs on their own I should be able to cope better I should never get angry or lose my temper I should always meet my LO’s needs I should not show my frustration, anger, or sadness I should never resent the person I’m caring for This should just be a nightmare that I can wake up from Things SHOULD NOT be this way All of that may be true. All of those “shoulds” make sense to me, and probably would to anyone. There’s just one problem: “should” and “is” don’t live in the same galaxy. Every time you talk about how something should be, you’re losing touch with the way things are. More than ...
