Blogging Dementia: an elumenEd Publication

Being a family caregiver ranges from difficult to brutal. There aren't too many other options. Compared to institutional caregivers, you're at a distinct disadvantage. There's no getting around it, but there are ways to get through it. First, let's make sure you understand the weak spots in your armor and then we'll talk about how to strengthen them. Weak Point #1: you don't get to clock out. You are on duty all the time, even when you're sleeping. If you have anyone to help, you're lucky. But if you're reading this, chances are it's because you are the primary caregiver and you need help. Professional caregivers get to clock out and get some relief, focus on their own families, and live a whole life separate from their work. They get to compartmentalize, keeping the emotional drain of caregiving locked away in the part of their brain reserved for work. You don't get that luxury. Weak Point #2: it's personal. You are emotionally involved....

It isn’t fair if you think about it. We were the latchkey kids, the ones who took care of ourselves and drank from the rain gutters and chewed on the lead paint while our parents weren’t home. We let ourselves in and out of the house, made ourselves meals, and learned to cope with bullies and puberty and sex on our own. Alone in the house, we tested out the liquor cabinet and found dad’s stash of betamax pr0n. We found the loaded gun in the nightstand and most of us lived to tell the tale. While mom was off actualizing and dad was off doing the “Don Draper from Madmen” routine, we dealt with depression and loneliness, raised by MTV and Hungry Man dinners. And we somehow, incredibly, developed a deep well of responsibility and compassion. Somehow we took all of that and, as a generation, went so far the other direction that many of us are known as “helicopter parents.” We took all of that angsty hair metal and grunge rock and decided that we actually care about our families and friends....

Caregivers, is it time to use some karate on your aggressive or agitated loved one? Well, not like you might be thinking, but yes! Hold off on that karate chop, though, and let me explain. As some background, when I’m not running elumenEd, I’m teaching martial arts. I’ve been studying for 40 years, and it’s one of my great passions. The most important skill I teach my students is how to **de-escalate** aggressive situations without violence. When our loved ones meet our care with aggression, de-escalation is the most important skill for you, too.  The de-escalation techniques below are based on how we trigger calm human behavior in others. These strategies can defuse a lot of difficult situations with an aggressive loved one who lives with dementia. *First, it’s important to understand that a loved one’s aggression is a form of non-verbal expression. Due to their dementia, they may feel unable to communicate, unable to ask for what they need, and unsafe as a result. Humans tend to ...