Have You Taken Your Poison Today?

For support in my own caregiving, I often participate in Facebook dementia support groups.

I mentioned that to a colleague the other day, and she said that she found it difficult to hear so much negativity in those groups from so many angry people. I get that. It’s difficult to be in that environment.

But when I look deeper into these places, I see a kind of magic happening, a beautiful alchemy of sorts.

There’s a saying in the East: hen doku i yaku — change poison to medicine. This is the idea that we all experience “poison” in our lives. It can fester in us, or it can actually be a source of growth, healing, and strength.

If you love someone with dementia, their illness is probably a great poison to you. You might feel pieces of you being poisoned to death! Your joy? Your sense of humor? Compassion? Patience?

How do we, then, perform this alchemy? How do we change “poison” to “medicine”? Personally, I start with gratitude. Sometimes, it’s hard to find something to be grateful for, so I start small: maybe I’m just grateful for the ground beneath my feet, or the simple meal I’m eating, or my computer keyboard that lets me write to you.

The scientists say we need 5 positive thoughts to counter 1 negative thought. This is called the 5:1 ratio. I choose to create 5 positive gratitude thoughts, but you might choose a different kind of thought.

I’m not saying this fixes things — unfortunately it’s not that easy — but I do think we are more likely to feel better when we focus on the medicine rather than the poison. In those same “negative” Facebook groups, I see just as much medicine because that’s what I’m looking for.

I see people in those groups reach out to others who are suffering, angry, and struggling. They extend the light of understanding to the people who feel completely alone. They turn the poison they endured into the medicine that can cure another. They listen and validate, helping bring people home to themselves. It’s really beautiful.

If you feel like you’ve gotten a hefty dose of poison from life lately, would you try to change yours into medicine with me? Or we could turn 🍋 lemons 🍋 into lemonade, which would probably taste better than either poison or medicine! 🤣 

And maybe, in time, we can all heal a little. I’d like that for us.

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